Freshman Exams...

I realize I went to high school back when America had 'dummed it down' and we weren't winning any awards for academics.  I also realize my parents were both from very small towns and school was not a top priority for them.  My daddy dropped out of school in the 8th grade and mom went to a school with a graduating class of 19 and wanted to be a secretary, which did not require a college education.  They were both from poor families with no money for college and both ended up being successful, so it never seemed a deterrent.

I went to college and left early.  I was a theatre major and always dreamed of working on the stage.  Never really wanted to be a "movie star" or on television.  No idea where that came from.  An outlet, I guess, for a creative soul.  Sadly, I have a very thin skin and the core of my father who dreamed daily of a world where everything was fair and everyone was loved and valued.  The theatre world is a bit more cut-throat than that.  I didn't have the killer instinct. 

I was just telling my daughter this morning about how afraid I was before I left for college.  My parents just didn't prepare me.  We didn't go on college tours.  They never encouraged me or helped me complete applications.  They had no first-hand knowledge of going to university.  I didn't really know anyone who had already left for college.  At least no one I knew well enough to learn anything from.  I was a good high school student and always assumed I would go to college, but when the time came to leave - I was terrified.

My point in all this - I just don't remember the same pressure kiddos are feeling now about grades, AP classes, SAT prep, college choice, career choice.  I also don't remember having to be pushed to study or to do my homework.  I think that is why this Freshman exam thing has me baffled.

Poor Murph is up to his eyes in class reviews and resentment.  He is a good student.  A really smart kid.  He can remember algebraic theorems with the best of them.  He memorizes vocabulary words at lightning speed AND retains them!  He has the potential to be a top student, but not the inclination.

This has been a tough couple of weeks.  On both of us!  I want him to be responsible.  He thinks he is.  I want him to WANT to do this.  He thinks that's stupid.  I want him to dig deep and he just rolls his eyes.  Still, we study!  We have to fight first, he has to be exhausted with me, I have to be a motivational speaker-mom, he has to be a teenager (EW!), I have to "be firm", he has to slam something...it wears me out!  And then we have a moment of some kind of reason and we study.  My heart is sad for him.  No one wants to see their child so overwhelmed.  No one wants to want to say "I told you so" to them when the deadline approaches and you know they could have spent their time more wisely, saved themselves some anxiety, carved out some time every weekend (or dare I say, every day?!) to hit the books.  Not that there are books.  I hate that!  I need a book.  I don't want a notebook with worksheets all taped in and notes scribbled around the edges and under the tape.  Man, I'm a dinosaur!

 Anyway, this first round of Freshman exams is over today...and we will all be happier this weekend.  I will not rule out eye-rolling for other reasons, but I expect a kinder, gentler household in my near future!