The best thing I make - Holiday Fruit and Sausage Stuffing

Holiday Fruit & Sausage Stuffing

I am stuck in the middle of loving to try new recipes and wanting to have all my holiday meals include the exact same things I loved since I was a little girl.

I adored my mom's sage stuffing - and I mean stuffing - all up in the turkey, health risks be darned!  It was the one thing I looked forward to on Christmas and New Year's Day.  I'm pretty sure I asked for it on my birthday, but mom convinced me that you couldn't roast a turkey on non-holidays.  I don't hold it against her - it's a LOT of work...but OH, so worth it!

Anyway, by the time I was making my own Thanksgiving and Christmas meals, I lived 1500+ miles away from mom and she did not have the traditional mom-commitment to communicating with her only child that you see in all the Lifetime movies!  So, even though I asked and asked - even when we were home for summer vacations - I never got that recipe.  So, it was up to me to find my own.

I am pleased to say, I found it on the 2nd try.  Pier 1 used to give out these "Food and Wine Cookbooks" during the holidays when you purchased certain things (or spent a certain amount - who can remember!?).  I got the regular and the holiday version.  The recipe came from the holiday version.  It was an Apricot and Sausage Stuffing recipe that I have been tweaking for the past 12 years or so.  Today I am going to record it for posterity - just in case one of my kids wants to recreate a piece of their childhood at their holiday table.

So, here's what you need.

My first step is always choosing the bread - usually one loaf of challa and one of Italian.  Brioche works great, but is difficult for me to find.  I cut off the crusts, cut the bread into bite-sized cubes (I'll let you be the judge of how large or small that is - warming!  if the bites are too big, the dressing isn't as good.  I toast the bread in a low oven, tossing it frequently on a couple of sheet pans, until it is dried out, but not browned.  Then I put it back in the bags it came in until I need it - this can be done up to 3 days ahead.

The day before the big feast, you can put together the stuffing in a buttered casserole dish.  (this recipe makes one 9 X13 dish, plus leaves enough to freeze and have a 9X9 pan later!)  You need 4 (or so) ounces of your 2 favorite dried fruits (or you can use a mix of more than 2) - this year we used dried apricots and dried cherries.  You chop them into 1/2 inch bites, place them in a bowl and cover them with warm apple juice (probably just over a cup).

Time to start cooking!  Melt a stick of butter in a large non-stick pan over medium heat.  While the butter is melting, dice one medium yellow onion and add to the pan.  Cook the onion until softened, but not browned (takes about 10-15 minutes of patient, slow cooking and a bit of stirring).

Put your cubed bread into one giant bowl or 2 large bowls where you will mix up the ingredients.  Pour the onion and butter mixture over the bread and toss to combine.

Now, grab 2 logs of breakfast sausage (I used one HOT and one Maple) and brown them up in the same pan you used for the onion.  Break up the sausage while browning.  As soon as the sausage is cooked through, but not gotten much color, pour the fruit and apple juice into the pan and cook over low heat for about 5-10 minutes.  At the end add salt and pepper to taste, 1 T fresh thyme, finely chopped and 1/2 - 1 cup of chopped pecans (feel free to leave this out if your family doesn't love nuts...I have been working them in more and more every year as the kids get a bit older because I love them).

Then you mix the sausage mixture into the bread mixture and combine.  If it seems a bit dry, add warmed chicken stock (or any stock, for that matter - OR a mix of chicken stock and apple juice) to get it where you like it.

At this point you pour it all into the buttered casserole dish and cover it with plastic wrap and put it in the fridge.  I can usually get about 2/3 into the casserole dish and the rest I put in a zip lock freezer bag and put it in the freezer so I can satisfy my stuffing cravings at non-holiday times!

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes covered with foil and 10 minutes uncovered.  It is the best thing I make!  I hope you love it if you try it!

My tweaked Fruit and Sausage Holiday Stuffing

8 oz of dried fruit (use you faves - I like 4 oz apricots and 4 oz dried cherries)
8 oz apple juice
1 stick unsalted butter
1 med. diced yellow onion
1 loaf butter bread (Challa or Brioche work well)
1 loaf of any other bread you like (I used Italian)
1 reg log Maple breakfast sausage
1 reg log Hot breakfast sausage
1 cup chopped pecans
1 T finely chopped fresh thyme
Salt and pepper to taste
Warmed chicken stock in case you need extra moisture

Christmas for Mom

Christmas seems like one of those things that are big enough to work in the ALZ world.  Big enough to remember.  Celebrated from birth by my mom - so that should still be in her wheelhouse, right?

Not so fast there bub!  Christmas is almost too big.  It's so confusing - some times of the day mom is 12, sometimes she's 17, sometimes she's 82, sometimes she's 40 - and all of those ages come with something.  Something that was missing at our home.

She spent most of the day in her younger years and that meant Grandma Perry coming to pick her up.  She kept asking and it broke my heart.  How do you tell someone that their loved one has been gone for 50+ years?  Especially on Christmas.  The older years meant that she was still independent - she had sent me money and was off to "do her own thing" with her peers.  We don't have any of those here.  The 40 year old Christmas only appeared once.  I think she thought my daughter was me - we were handing out presents and Peyton was sitting closest to mom, so she gave her all of her gifts from under the tree.   It was the kindest I've ever seen mom act towards her granddaughter.  Her smile was genuine and she seemed to feel like she was a part of our family.  It was pretty awesome!

The gifts were a bust.  Not at first - she loved them all, but then they were unwrapped and taken back into her room and "where did these come from" became the favorite question of the day.  She devoured the chocolate and other candy in her stocking, but the other gifts are stacked in her chair - and she is quite suspicious of them and their origin.

I fancied myself brilliant with a Shutterfly book of memories from mom's first year here - with our faces, our places, our names, charmingly-worded explanations that might help her remember things and lots of pictures of her and Sophie - her two favorite things.  She loved it.  She took her time, she read every page, she smiled and then she wrapped it back up in the wrapping paper and took it to her room and set it down with the other things.

I keep trying to slip it into the basket of her walker - thinking she will start to think it "belongs" in there and will look at it often and it will help her or entertain her or comfort her or be a companion of sorts.

I'm not giving up, mind you, but my goodness, this is a bigger task than I imagined.  She has a mind of her own and she DOES NOT WANT to have Alzheimer's.  She has been fighting it by ignoring it and lying about it and punching it in the face for as long as I can remember - easily a dozen years.  Maybe this little memory book is too much of a reminder of what she doesn't remember.

I think that's the problem with Christmas...she is sad, mad, angry, frustrated, embarrassed that she can't remember if Christmas has come or gone or what year it is or did she go shopping or ... well, so many things.  So Christmas was something to ignore, brush off, discount, be disgusted with.

I am torn.  I love our home at Christmas.  I love the decorations and the way everything looks in twinkly lights.  The kids love it too.  I am raising a couple of big Christmas nerds, just like their mother!  But I will breathe a sigh of relief when I get to put it all away.  And mom won't know it's gone or that it was ever there, but she will be just a little bit happier and a little bit more at ease, even though she won't know why.

Christmas 2013

Spent last night thinking of Christmases past - all the old shopping trips to Lazarus in the Lima Mall for that one perfect splurge of a Christmas ornament with my mom, going to craft shows with Peyton to pick out something handmade and adorable, picking the kiddos up on the last Friday before Winter Break to find amongst the candy wrappers and bits of ribbon and an occasional swipe of frosting, the ornament they made during their Holiday Party, sitting at the kitchen table on the years when I am organized painting or making ornaments with the kids.

My holiday ornaments tell a story - I have one decoration from 1965 or 1966, I have several ornaments from these kits you could buy at Woolworth and paint or paste, I have a couple of yarn dolls I made from a craft book and this poor Santa on a rolled up piece of cardboard cut from a manilla file folder (since I didn't have a styrofoam cone) with a wobbly head.  All of these are from my childhood - probably before I was in high school.

Christmas Cookies

Christmas Cookies 2013

I love Christmas cookies - I love baking them, decorating them and eating them.  I have always wanted to try the fancier icing that I see Martha do every year with ease.  This was the year!  I scoured Pinterest for the best tips, tricks, recipes and tools needed.  I shopped.  I organized.  I baked.  If successful - these would be added to teacher gifts bags!

The first step was baking - classic Alton Brown recipe with one extra egg yolk and 1T extra butter (just for good measure!)  We baked to the "Sing-Off" on NBC - it's hard not to be happy when you're baking Christmas cookies, so to add great music...I was the happiest dancing baker!  The new snowflake ornament proved to be a bit of a challenge - had to work the dough in smaller batches to keep it cold enough to get the shapes from the counter in the cutter to the parchment-line baking sheets.

I never remember to write down exactly how many minutes of baking was most successful, so I have to test it out every year.  But after a couple of trials, I decided on 8 minutes IF I cooled the sheet pan by waving it up and down like a big metal fan between batches.

We got 40 cookies out of the first batch - perfect!

Then it was time to make the icing - apparently you need 2 different consistencies of the icing to pull off the seemingly effortless Martha Stewart decorations.  AND I need these small squeeze bottles for some and the zip-lock-with-the-corner-cut-off for the others.  Luckily, Peyton and I agreed we would only tackle 2 shapes for teachers.  We will do 5 shapes for Santa and family.  2 shapes = 4 icing colors - blue, white, green and red.  We can do this!

I actually had to "gear up" to get started even after everything was made...and I was on a time limit.  But I was nervous that I was in over my head.    So after a few deep breaths...I began...

 The first cookie...did I really start with the snowflakes?  YIKES!

 20 cookies outlined and beginning to "flood" with icing in a squeeze bottle

 I have to admit - this was FUN! and easy too.  Peyton was a rock star at filling in the icing.

 20 tree cookies - iced and ready to "set up" in the fridge for 30 minutes before we can add the final touches...crap!  no room in the fridge, I guess covering them and sitting on top of the washing machine in our very cold laundry room will have to do!

Lookie what we accomplished.  

These are the prettiest cookies I have ever made and they were delish!  

"Kitchen Meets Girl" is the blog where I found the icing recipe and the best tips for decorating.

Where do Christmas Memories go?

Of all things - a quick dusting of my mantel reminded me how cruel Alzheimer's is.  I love Christmas - not really the gifts - that's my least favorite part.  But I love the rest of it...the season, the awe of the birth of Christ, the lights, the wonder, the decorations, the traditions, the music, the colder weather, the cookies, the treats, the Peppermint shakes, the smiles for no reason, the stories, the memories - and even the shopping for and wrapping of gifts.  I even managed to enjoy the ridiculous traffic around the mall yesterday!

Probably my all-time favorite thing is the memories that nearly all of my ornaments and decorations bring back.  I love unpacking the boxes.  I love positioning the ornaments that have the best 'stories' or have the most history in prime spots on my tree.  I make the kids listen to the stories - hoping to give them their own memories to make their Christmases more magical. 

I have a decoration that I made in the basement of Lima First United Methodist Church in Sunday School for my mom when I was 4 or 5 years old.  It's so ugly it's sweet - like some of those dogs you see on tv!  It's barely holding together.  It's simple and made from an old wooden spool, some tin foil, a green pipe cleaner and red construction paper.  It's supposed to be a poinsettia.  It has a really old-fashioned cardboard gift tag (probably some that were so awful they were donated to the church by someone who bought something cuter!) with my name written in pencil!  And I remember every single Christmas that my mom put it out on our piano from the time I was about 12.  I hated that thing - it was so ugly!  I didn't understand why she kept it.  My mom was famous for getting rid of old things - she never kept clothes from her youth, we had no antiques in our house, she was Goodwill's best friend - no chance of Peg ending up on Hoarders!  But she kept that old, frail, simple decoration and she put it out with the best, shiniest, newest decorations every single year. 

I get it now.  I have an entire tree in our bedroom dedicated to handmade ornaments - some made by me, some by my friends, but most made by my kids in their classrooms or at our kitchen table.  I love all of them.  I look at the dates and the kids names on the back or their pictures on the front and my heart fills all the way up with love and Christmas.

I have the old poinsettia on my mantle this year - it's place of honor since I was able to rescue mom's Christmas decorations from the basement in Shawnee after her husband passed. 

I put it in her hands this year - hopeful of a memory for us to share.  Nothing.  She smiled - she likes Christmas too and she likes to be included in anything we do.  But no memory.  No flashback.  No magical Christmas moment for me and mom.  I'm the keeper of that memory now.  I am passing it down to my kids and when the time comes I hope one of them will be enough like me that the only thing they will really want after I am gone is a big red box of handmade ornaments wrapped in tissue paper with names and years and faded photos.  And they will open it up every year, the Friday after Thanksgiving, and tell their kids stories of Christmases when they were kids and maybe tell them how much I loved Christmas ... as they put the poinsettia in a place of honor on their mantel. 

Birthday Weekend Highlights

Birthdays are just to big to squeeze into one day and a birthday on a Sunday just asks to be the big finish of a Birthday Weekend!

Here are a few of my fave pix from the big 1-2...

 Every girl's dream...at least MY girl's!...a Pink Pig Chocolate Cake!

 Blowing out the candles at Double Dave's ... yes, we did sing in public and light candles inside a busy restaurant ... but no one stopped us!

 On our way to Denton for a 'craft show' (total bust), a Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives lunch (Oldwest Cafe) and a sugar-filled surprise (Atomic Candy)

 The wait (in this same spot) for the table was no quit so smiley...after the craft show disaster and too many u-turns to count trying to find everything, the kiddos were HUNGRY!  This is the "after" pic - much happier with full bellies empty bladders!

 Following Patrick to the downtown surprise

So much to see and buy at Atomic Candy - the creepy animal masks were just too much to resist!

Just one little section of the candy ... the kids each got $10 to spend.  Taffy, nuts, jelly belly's, tins, Pez, chocolates, over 100 soda's to choose from, gifts, gum, sours and REALLY sours and crazy fizzing candies.  They were jacked up for about 24 hours!

Peyton's Birthday Part 1

So this is Peyton's 12th birthday weekend.  The first birthday weekend where I have been a stay-at-home mom...now THERE'S pressure!  Not really - the only one putting pressure on me is me ... as always!  But it does give me time to pay some attention to details (at least when mom lets me pay attention to anything that isn't strictly about her!)

The day started with a dead car battery...not a good sign!   But thanks to Patrick's dad - we have this bomb portable battery charger - a day saver!  Got me to KP to swim, got me home from KP, got the kids to school...but could I chance it when mom would be home alone and Patrick was at work clear across town....probably NOT!  That made a "plan B" necessary - the cake I planned to make required a quick trip to the grocery.  Off to Pinterest...

To search for chocolate cake recipes...that required only stuff I already have in the house!  And since I'm on here and I love Pinterest...the perfect buttercream and some ideas/examples of how to decorate a pig cake (with only stuff I have in the house!)

Success!  Let the baking begin...

How 'bout that?  A one bowl, delightful, made-from-scratch chocolate cake!  You can almost tell from the color that it's going to be good!

While they cool - dig out the hidden present and wrap it (with only the paper and ribbon we have in the house!)

And one extra flourish - a hand made "P" for her gift tag...it's the least a stay-at-home mom can do!!!

Then it was time to recharge my battery, make a quick list of "still to do" things and go pick up the kids from school...first Peyton, then a trip to pick up gluten-free cupcakes for Raegan, pick up Murph, pick up Raegan, drop off the girls and head to Sprouts for a gluten-free pizza...

Who knew there were so many choices when it comes to gluten-free pizza...so a quick photo text to Raegan, a decision and we're headed home to show Peyton her cake!

Not bad considering I didn't shop for anything - I made a cupcake for the nose, used marshmallows for the eyes and nostrils (what a gross word to use for something you eat!) and chocolate chips for the eyeballs.  The ears - those were my most creative idea...I took the top of the cake that I cut off to level it out, the top of the cupcake I didn't need and mixed it with extra frosting (that I could've eaten!) and made "cakeball ears" that I put in the freezer, then frosted.  They were delicious according to Peyton and Alexis! 

Having an entire day off to prepare for something like this seemed like an eternity "back in the day" when I was lucky to leave work by 4:30 to be stuck in traffic and drag home in full panic attack mode by 5:45.  I guess it's like the purse thing...the bigger the purse, the more crap you'll carry.  The more time you have, the more time you'll use.

Anyway, we had a table at Double Dave's pizza at 6:00 and jumping at Altitude was from 7:00pm - 10:00pm.  Plenty of time???  Nope!  Alexis called - could we pick her up?  Of course!  Patrick called - running late at work and would meet us at DD's.  Hmmmmm????....how on Earth am I going to get 4 kids, presents, a gluten-free pizza, gluten-free cupcakes, a cake carrier, mom, her walker and me to DD's in the Kia???  Sorry Murph!  You're going to have to wait for Daddy and come in the Taurus after.  I think he was relieved!  3 girls, my mom and me in full-on birthday anxiety mode in one car.  NO PROBLEM, I'D LOVE TO WAIT FOR DADDY!

From there on - everything went beautifully - good pizza, good fountain drinks, really good cake (I recommend the one-bowl decadent chocolate cake and Martha Stewart's perfect buttercream frosting!)  Patrick and Murph showed up very soon after, Mom did NOT have an anxiety attack - I think she actually enjoyed her venture out for a change.  She had no idea it was Peyton's birthday - but those kind of things are becoming less and less weird.

Good friends make everything fun - love it when the girls are just getting along being girls!

Make-your-own lip balm, lotions, crafts, bracelets, bands and finally,  a RAINBOW LOOM!

I would love to post pictures of the girls at Altitude, but after I ran Murph and Mom home, got her set up for bed-time, got him all his instructions, got mom her pills and put away the birthday paraphenalia, I left my phone at home plugged in to the charger.  I am not one of those people lost without my phone, but I would have loved to capture the pure joy of girls jumping, flipping, running, playing tag, laughing and just being friends.

It was a great day.  It's so hard for me to believe my baby is 12.  When I close my eyes I can still see her perfect fingers and toes and smell her perfect Johnson's Baby Wash smell and feel her cheek on mine.  I am thankful every day for her - especially for the fact that she isn't growing up too fast.  She still likes to play imagination games, she loves her stuffies, she's still snuggly, she still needs us and values our opinions and works to make us proud.  I know she is growing up - I know she giggles more about boys now, she is totally tech-savvy, she is fearless, she is more independent, she is thinking things through and forming her own opinions and deciding who she wants to be.  I pray that we avoid that teenage daughter/mother angst, but it won't surprise me and I will do whatever it takes to make sure it's not a permanent thing. 

I love you Peyton Peanut Potter Teeter Totter Murphy.  I can already tell that you are going to be one awesome 12-year-old!

More Snow and Ice Fun!

FINALLY, after 2 days of trying we were able to get Raegan to our house so the girls could play.  They played music, they sang at the top of their lungs, the did crafts and origami and ate waffles and chips and more waffles (the only made for gluten-free diets thing I keep in my house) and they laughed a lot.

Raegan has lived in lots of cold places, so she has snow gear and a sled!  She brought her sleepover stuff into the house riding on a very cool tie-dyed looking snow sled for two with real snow pants, a ski jacket, the warmest hat ever and real snow boots!  I think Peyton was jealous, but if the Neighborhood Market is out of bread, eggs, bananas, milk, chips and meat - then Academy is out of snow pants, I am sure!

Sunday morning they were up and out early - ready to play in the little bit of snow that was coming down outside. 

They posed...

They ate icicles...

The performed their original musical "Ice Day" for Patrick and me...this, as you can see, is a very dramatic scene!

And then I took them to the hill to sled...

I'm pretty sure this was Peyton's first time on a real sled on any kind of hill.  She loved it!

This, my friends is Texas snowboarding!  Sheets of laminate flooring will do the trick.

You should have seen some of the things the people brought to the park to try and use as sleds - sheets of cardboard, lids from big plastic bins, laundry baskets, the windshield sun shades, pieces of foam, blow up inner tubes, a wheelbarrow attached to laminate "skis" was my favorite, but the most effective fake sled was a boogie board!  Next time, I'll know!

Funny how climbing up a hill is fun when you know another trip DOWN is waiting!

Peyton's last trip down before we had to leave - she said she was flying!

Home for the night - time to make cookies!  

Salted caramel Snickerdoodles at Patrick's request!

 The finished product!  Really different - but REALLY good!

 

Today we got a bonus day - I can't believe they canceled school, but the kids have been making the most of it - and they are playing together!

Ice Day 2013!

We knew it was coming...we hoped, we crossed our fingers, the kids did their homework for Friday so as not to jinx it, I grocery shopped for all the things you need to make hot cocoa, soup, cinnamon rolls, mac and cheese and popcorn, we dug out gloves and hats and scarves and a stack of long sleeve shirts and we started to get ready for bed on Thursday night...praying for an ice day!

We didn't even get our faces washed before KISD made the announcement that school was canceled for Friday - so we went back downstairs to watch a movie by the fire!

Snow days were exciting when I was little - even though I lived far away from other children and snow days usually meant a bunch of strangers in our home - since our home was also a motel!, but no school, a day in jammies, watching tv or listening to music or reading under a blanket and playing in the snow.  I remember spending as much time getting my snow clothes on as I could actually spend outside playing in it before I had to come in a warm up.  We threw my clothes in the dryer to dry and warm up and then I did it all over again.

Snow days when you live where it rarely snows are better - maybe because I'm the mom and there is nothing better than joy on your children's faces, but snow (or ice) days in Texas are rare and wonderful!  We don't get many and we alway have to make them up, we never have the right gear and more often than not our sleds are pieces of cardboard, but it really is magical!

Sophie was made to be a snow dog!

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

yesterday the geraniums were in bloom, today, they are frozen solid

Peyton's first ever icicle

one for Peyton, one for mommy

take the trucks off your skateboard for an instant snowboard

Right now Peyton is making decorations on her makeshift rainbow loom and Keaton is off with the neighborhood boys sledding down the hill at Bluebonnet Elementary and I have started a big pot of loaded baked potato soup.  Mom is asleep by the fireplace and Patrick is sadly, at work.  All hope is for him to get to come home early - they let him go early last night and today is just as bad.  Then it's time for more hot cocoa with these silly, perfect, delightful snowman-shaped marshmallows that Patrick found, one more deep winter sleep and then a slow trip back into reality on Sunday to get ready for driving and errands and school and homework and no reason to not go out...but for tonight - we are iced in!